Is this enough?
The other day I decided to pray for something different. Rather than praying to be able to know what I want to do in life, which has been my prayer for years, I felt inspired to pray to be satisfied. I feel defeated but also relieved. Trying hard to be all over the place hasn't made me happier or really accomplished much. Now I find myself watching Gilmore Girls during nap time. Closing my eyes and not caring that I didn't get a chance to work on a new design idea I had while getting the girls dressed. I've been painting with Alta (see above) and calling it good.
Yesterday, I had the feeling - is this enough? is this enough for me? I pray that it is, for now. I do have dreams that include being in Gap commercials, designing prints for Uniqlo, living by the beach, and running around outside all day, everyday with Alta. But since I've had these thoughts, those dreams seem a little farther away - kind of cloudier, I guess. Like giving up has forced me to live in the moment and be satisfied (for the most part.) I've always had this feeling that somebody was pushing me from behind on to the next thing and I've been frantically trying to find which path to take. It feels good to sit on the floor with Rinnie and just laugh and laugh and laugh.
P.S. If you need some good blogs to read, read these ones: Deja Vu / Original Archiving Co / All the Birds of This Day They've been inspiring me!